make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
