Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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