have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
