Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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