If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
