tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
