and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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