he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
