I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
