Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
