She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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