The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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