Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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