your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
