i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
In America we eat man semen.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
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