dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize