i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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