I faked an abortion last night.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
