brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
