i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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