I accidentally had phone sex last night
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize