Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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