we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
