I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
