My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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