I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize