saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
