Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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