i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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