YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
