matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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