I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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