Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
