I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
