my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
