If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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