You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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