Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I love having hate sex.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
