I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
