The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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