When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
