In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
