jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
