Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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