I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Two words: blizzard sex
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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