Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
