i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Randomize
