I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
