Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
