i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
