i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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