She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
