I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
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you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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