i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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