he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize