So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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