i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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