The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
