My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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